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Parent Resources

Just In Time Parenting

Each newsletter provides:

  • Easy to use guides on how your child is developing

  • Tips on raising a healthy, happy child

  • Tools for solving common parenting problems

  • Strategies for coping with the challenges of raising children

12 Myths of Parenting

Just because these myths reflect the way parenting has "always been done," doesn't mean they're the way parenting should be done.

This resources shares the truth about common parenting practices and helps you have a more empowered parenting experience.

Myth #1
Consequences prepare children for the "real word"

Consequence

When we enforce rules through consequences, we diminish trust and encourage children to make decisions out of fear. We don't teach them the why and how, but rather teach them that they need to manipulate us to meet their needs.

Truth

The real world can be harsh, but this doesn't mean we need to be. By remaining the safe harbor for our children, we give them internal safety and connection to support their inevitable challenges. They trust us and will come to us with their problems.

Myth #2
Children must respect their elders

Consequence

Enforced respect leads to resentment and rebellion.

Truth

Respect is earned over time through communication, trust, consistency, doing what we say we are going to do, and living the values that we teach our children.

Myth #3
As a parent, it's my biggest job to make sure my child reaches their potential

Consequence

The pressure of 'living up to' their perceived potential creates pressure that leads to anxiety and fear of not living up to others expectations. Their gifts become limited to our ambitions.

Truth

As we demonstrate that we trust them to find their own potential, children feel more confident in taking risks and developing mastery.

Myth #4
What others think about my parenting (family, friends, community) matters

Consequence

We unconsciously teach our kids to be people pleasers because they witness us shifting our actions and behaviors depending on our audience.

Truth

You are your child's parent and protector. Having clear and strong values as a parent makes you immune to the opinion of others, and you get to be the leader who models the values and morals you hold dear.

Myth #5
Children need to be taught to control their emotions

Consequence

Children learn to hide instead of processing their emotions. Instead of learning how to self-regulate and deal with feelings, they learn to push emotions away. where they eventually lead to dysfunction.

Truth

Children who know how to acknowledge, process and release their emotions (without causing harm to themselves or others) become mature adults who are capable of having healthy, mature relationships.

Myth #6
Children need to "earn their keep"

Consequence

Children internalize that their value and worthiness are based on what they do...instead of who they are. They learn that support and safety are conditional.

Truth

Our children don't owe us anything. They didn't ask to be born. We chose. And so we owe them everything. Fostering a family value of contribution allows children to participate in the home, while not making it a condition of love, support and security.

Myth #7
Parenting is a trait, not a skill

Consequence

The way that we were parenting becomes the unconscious framework for parenting, despite any intentions to parent differently. Children are subject to our shifting moods, inconsistency, and capacity.

Truth

How we do what we do and why we do it will either be left up to repeating intergenerational patterns or consciously choosing how we want to raise our children. Parenting is too important to leave to our conditioned patterns of behavior.

Myth #8
Someday my kids will understand why I was so hard on them and appreciate me for it

Consequence

The long-term health of the relationship is compromised and adult children stay in relationship through obligation, not authentic connection. Self-worth is compromised.

Truth

Children who are raised with unconditional love, empathy and collaboration are far more fulfilled, successful and creative. Their self-worth is intact.

Myth #9
Being a good parent means that my children know how to behave

Consequence

Children learn how to act according to the expectations of others. Their locus of control gets placed in the hands of whoever is externally more "powerful," instead of relying on values, sense of right and wrong and being true to themselves.

Truth

Being a good parent means that you've been the leader and guide who intentionally creates and models the family values you hold dear. It means that your child is individuated from you in a healthy way and prepared to lead a meaningful life.

Myth #10
Children are manipulative by nature

Consequence

We teach our children that it isn't safe to tell us the truth by causing them pain when they do. They become manipulative as means to get their needs met, because their needs aren't valued and/or understood.

Truth

Children have needs. They are resourceful. They best learn how to meet their needs (and ours!) through collaborative problem solving.

Myth #11
Children need to know who's boss

Consequence

We teach children to either become the loudest voice in the room or to capitulate to the loudest voice in the room. They become adults who demand compliance or give in to other who are making demands.

Truth

Children need to know they are loved and supported unconditionally so that they can become collaborative leaders who can make the world a better place.

Myth #12
I was parented "this way" and I am fine

Consequence

We perpetuate intergenerational patterns of emotional (and even physical) abuse.

Truth

Do we want our kids to be 'fine' in spite of our parenting, or feel loved, whole, secure and worthy because of it? Yes, we can survive many things. But imagine what could be done with all the energy our kids don't need to expend on healing from their upbringing, like so many of use have had to.

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